Co-sleepa

Before I had the Dictator, I looked like this-
Life was simple. I went to bed whenever I felt
like it, and I got up at approximately 8am every
morning. My cozy bed was warm and soft and
clean. I could watch a scary movie in bed if I wanted to and nobody would scream "This is toooooo scary! I'm going to need therapy! Make it stooooop!" My biggest concern was that the Politician might hear me snore, or worse, see me drool in my sleep.


Then I got pregnant. And this happened-
Have you ever tried to sleep with a basketball inside your
shirt? No?! Go try it out and let me know how comfortable you
were. If that's too easy, insert a hamster inside the ball and put that in your shirt. Oh, and make sure to drink 12 glasses of water
before you go to sleep. Try holding your pee until morning. I dare you. If that's still too easy, try sticking water balloons in a bra and eat the spiciest food on the planet right before you lay down. Tell me how well you slept.








Eventually the Dictator decided to make her grand entrance into the world-
Silly me. At this point I'm thinking  "This is the most
tired I'll ever be! 14 hours of labor and a c-section!
I can't wait to get to my room and just sleeeeep"
Oh dear.....Look at my innocent face. I had NO idea what was coming. I really believed the worst was over!







After getting home from the hospital the Dictator happily slept here-

and if I rocked her until my legs were ready to fall off, here-

 and many times here-

 and on her Papa-

 and her favorite spot- in MY bed-

 But NEVER here! I had to just search through hundreds of photos to find a picture of the Dictator in her crib! The caption on this one was- "Laid the Dictator down after rocking her to sleep to get a picture of her in her crib. She woke up when the camera flashed." Sigh.....

Three years later, the Dictator still does not sleep in her own bed. In fact, The Dictator does not sleep at all. Last night we played Candy Land at 3am. I survive on coffee, diet cherry pepsi, chocolate and the hope that my daughter will be accepted into college any day now and choose to move away from home.

Remember how in that first picture of me the I looked so young, fresh and happy? This is how I look today-

Co-sleeping. Just say no.