Preschool dropout

The Dictator starts school in just over 2 weeks. I'm excited. I dream of mornings snuggled under the covers blissfully sleeping in while my husband takes her to school. I keep fantasizing about deep cleaning, batch cooking meals to freeze for easier suppers, doing ALL the laundry in one day and yes....I admit, I also fantasize about watching a 'momma show' (Dance Moms. It's our little secret, okay?) all the way through without interruption.

In addition to the nearly fanatical excitement I feel about my daughter and I getting a much needed break from each other, and how uber happy I am that she is going to an excellent school that is going to truly nurture her amazing little brain and help it grow, I also feel the black cloud of dread hanging over me....

Reading the parent handbook, I notice they have a few 'zero tolerance' policies. I think to myself "Yay! I like this school! Be strict! Beat these kids into submission!". Then I see what the 'zero tolerance' policies are for.

1)Biting. Okay. I agree with this. The Dictator has experimented a few times with biting, but nothing much came of it. We bit her back when she bit us (I don't care if you feel this is the best way to handle it. It worked for us. Thank you.). She didn't like that! She stopped biting.

2)Bringing a gun or weapon to school. Yes. I 100% agree with this one.

3)Swearing. Whaaaaat?? Shit! Err.... I mean, shoot! The Dictator doesn't swear often (Thank you Lord above!), but when she does, she doesn't hold back. She loves the f-word, and she knows it's appropriate uses. Recently, while on vacation, we were at a busy theme park. It was hot. There were a ton of people. Too close to us. The Dictator doesn't really like people she doesn't know touching her. No thank you. Hands to yourself please. She very loudly, and clearly announced "There are so many fucking people here today!" In that moment, I had been thinking the exact same thing. It was true, and good God, she did use that phrase in exactly the right way! However, her school says it will expel her little sailor talking mouth if she does it at school. FML, or I mean Darn My Life, this girl isn't going to last a week.

4)Hitting. Sure. The Dictator is not really a hitter. There is an occasional incident, but nothing really malicious or overly crazy. I think we'll be okay there.

5)Overly sexual behavior or talk. *Sigh* I should go get my deposit back now and return her school clothes. I just know she can't go 4.5 hours without singing about getting on your back and screaming, or having a menage a trois. BTW, thanks again Katy Perry for that one. Luckily the Dictator believes that a menage a trois is playing ring around the rosy with three people. Although, I'm sure when she asks two other kids at school to have a menage a trois with her, it's not going to end well....