Snuggle

As we're preparing to move (next week! Woah!), I find myself able to sleep less and less. This move has been pretty stressful, and even in these last few days before we are supposed to pack up our lives and relocate ourselves, we still aren't sure if we'll have a house ready to move into. Although I rationally know there is nothing I can do at this point to change the outcome, my mind still races well into the wee hours of the night with different scenarios and possible solutions. I've always been 'the fixer'. If you need something, advice, help, etc, I'm a good person to ask. I like to help. I've been told somewhat too much at times. Not being able to fix something drives me insane. So, I lay in bed at night and stare at my fan and go through a zillion and one different ways next week could play out for us. Being the eternal pessimist, the outcomes are usually never very good. Being a creative person, I'm able to REALLY stretch the possibilities out.

Last night I was laying in bed. Once again thinking about everything that's happening in my life right now. So far, 2013 has been a year of change. At this point it's hard to say whether or not this change is a good thing. Letting myself mull over all the details, I found it was already 2am. Trying to force myself to sleep, I heard the Dictator come into the bedroom. She got her usual drink of water, put her book on my nightstand and got in bed with me.

The Dictator: "Momma. You're still awake? Are you tired? You should sleep."
Me: "Momma can't sleep. My brain won't turn off."
The Dictator: "Momma, I'll hold you until you fall asleep. I'll cuddle you and keep you safe now and you can rest."

And she did. She literally wrapped her arms around me and patted my back while humming. And I fell asleep.

I felt her get up awhile later. She slipped her arm out from under me, kissed me on the forehead and said "Rest up Momma. I love you." I don't think she noticed that there were tears in my eyes.

My daughter amazes me.