Sleep

The Dictator does not sleep. I don't mean she's a bad sleeper, or that she has a hard time falling asleep.
I mean it exactly the way it sounds. Never have I seen a child sleep less than she does.
Napping?? What's that? The Dictator views nap time as a waste of time. Going to sleep before 11pm? Why would you do that? The best t.v. is on in the evening after all! Sleeping in after 7a? The SUN is up! We should be too!

First thing in the morning, I pull myself out of bed nearly crying with exhaustion.
The always bubbly little Dictator looks at me with a big smile and says:
"Good job Momma!! You did it! You woke up!"
Every.single.day.
Although I can smile about this later in the day, at the butt crack of dawn this is not the first phrase I want to hear.

Other parents often lament to me about how their children "Only nap for 1 hour a day" or "Little Suzie doesn't go to bed before 9pm and it's so tough". I honestly want to punch those parents right in the head.

When I tell people about my daughters sleep problems, I frequently get asked "Do you do activities to try to wear her out?" or "Have you given her melatonin". Apparently, these are the only things you need to do to get your child to sleep. The first of these questions is so idiotic that I can usually barely muster a response. No, I've never thought of doing things with my child to make her tired! What a novel idea! You mean she won't get tired sitting around all day?? Who knew! Seriously??????! The Dictator is currently in 7 activities. On a typical day we leave our house at 9:30a and return somewhere around 5pm. During that time we are swimming, dancing, doing gymnastics, playing at the park, and whatever activity I can think of that may have some small shred of hope of tiring her out (meaning she'll go to bed before 10p). As far as Melatonin? Melatonin can kiss my tired ass. The Dictator seems to GAIN energy from Melatonin. On the couple occasions we have tried, her super powers prevailed and she stayed up PAST her usual bedtime. The Dictator is a mutant. I clearly need to start researching how to raise an X-Man, because the Dictator simply can't be human.

Although, I have to admit, the Dictator does not get crabby when tired. In fact, she shows no signs of fatigue at all! Try being perky for 18+ hours a day! I don't know how the hell she does it! I can't do it. I stop being perky somewhere around 1pm. If I make it that long.

Typically, the Dictators merry little day continues on (and on and on and on) until a happy little Dictator eventually passes out. I don't mean that in the literal sense either. I mean, when my daughter 'goes to sleep' she really does pass out. Her little body eventually just gives out on her. She usually falls asleep still talking, and she continues to talk in her sleep.

Try years of sleep exhaustion. There's a reason that it's used as a form of torture. It really is! I feel like I'm wearing a bag over my head 90% of the time. I function in slow motion these days. Speak slowly to me and loudly. Repeat yourself frequently. Please be kind if I look at you with a blank stare and ask you to repeat yourself 10+ times. I am listening to you. If you really need my attention immediately, just tell me that you need to go potty. I seem to snap to attention every time that phrase is uttered around me!