The Dictator takes a dump

The Dictator is currently on a shit strike.
Potty training (which is more her training me to not go insane and kill us all in the process) has taken another striking halt.
My beautiful little daughter will gladly run to the potty, sit on it, and pee all day long. In fact, I'd say she's a bit obsessed with peeing in the potty. Why wouldn't she be? Every time she does it she gets a sticker, we turn on the bubble machine and she gets to have a dance party. Who wouldn't want that? I wish I got a prize every time I used the toilet! It's like liquid gold. The more she pumps out the more she can have. It's her own personal piggy bank and all she needs is a little water to 'flood the market'.

The Dictator, who up until a few weeks ago was on track to be 100% trained and done with diapers has since decided that "Pooping does not feel good and I will not do it again".
Trying to explain to a 2 year old that regardless of how she feels about pooping, poop will, inevitably happen, is about as easy as explaining how to build a rocket ship to my dog.
She looks at me with her little blue eyes and nods along as I tell her she needs to poop, must poop, poop WILL happen and *seems* like she's understanding everything I tell her. Then, she has to poop......

Today in the car-
The Dictator: "Momma, I have to poop!" (Tears and screaming)
We're on the third day of the poop pause and every moment is turning into agony. Imagine trying to hold it in for 3 days. Now imagine that in addition to trying to hold it in, you are also bi-polar (what 2 year old is NOT bi-polar??) and that you have only slept for a whopping total of 5 hours in 2 days. This, my friends, is a recipe for disaster.
Me: "I know. Pleeeeeeease just poop! You will feel better if you do! I promise! You can have anything you want if you poop! A pony?? Another trip to Disneyland? Your own personal amusement park in the backyard? Yes! Anything you want! Just pleeeeeeease take a giant dump and be done with it!"
I admit, this was not my best moment in parenting. Fail #1- telling her she can have anything. Yes, I've made this mistake before. She knows I'm weak. She preys on it! Fail #2- saying "giant dump". Anything related to your butt is funny to a 2 year old. Emphasizing a word or phrase related to your butt is even better. I've now stepped in the proverbial shit.
The Dictator: "I want to take a dump!"
Me: (Knowing this is going down a baaaad road, but still admitedly having to laugh when she said it) "We'll go home and poop on the potty real soon."
I'm hoping and praying that she'll forget that magical phrase and that perhaps she might just maaaaaybe actually use the toilet when we get home.
The word 'dump' was said many times while driving. The Dictator, who in a fit of mania from not sleeping, pooping or eating much (who can eat if they haven't pooped in 3 days?) is laughing like a mad woman in the backseat and saying dump again and again.
Please God, let her poop when we get home.

There was no pooping.
All morning and afternoon.
:(

We finally had to go out and get some errands done. The Dictator seems to have forgotten about needing to poop and her new favorite word for the moment. All seems to be well.....

We walk into the grocery store and get a cart. A nice employee comes over to say hi and give the Dictator a sticker. The Dictator looks right at him and announces-
"I need to take a dump!"

Craptastic. I think I've just won parent of the year. Who can compete with that bit of awesomeness?
The employee looks at me and looks at my daughter and slowly repeats back what he heard...
Employee: "Did you say you need to take a dump?"
The Dictator: "Yes!" Laughing like a crazy person because another adult has just said dump!
Employee: "Bathroom is in the back of the store"
That actually made me laugh. Well played grocery store man!
The grocery store man gives me a good glare which promptly makes me feel like a larger turd than I ever did before.

The Dictator did of course, not use the bathroom at the grocery store. She did sing a song while we looked at the potty, wash her hands and play with the hand dryer for awhile.

Eventually, I gave up. The evening was setting in and the Dictator was holding strong. How long can a person go without pooping? I need to google this......

The husband gets home. He is tired, but when he sees me he immediately seems to sense that saying "I'm tired" or "What's for dinner" will result in his untimely demise. The husband is informed of the situation. The husband, being the calm one in our family takes the Dictator to the bathroom and sits her on the toilet.

In the meantime I am sitting in the office looking up ways we can make her poop. We've already tried prune juice, extra fiber and Metamucil. The Dictator has the bowel control of an Olympic athlete. While scowering the internet for any shred of hope I can find I hear a little voice coming from the bathroom saying the most unbelievable thing.....

The Dictator: "I did it! I just took a dump!"
and she did.
"Momma, I want a pony!"
Looks like Daddy is now in charge of potty training.....and I'm never saying another word to my daughter ever, ever again.